nyawiji
queer spiritualism Part 2
This zine is an invitation to share in my deeply personal journey of self-discovery, love, and the unapologetic celebration of our true selves.
"What if your younger self, the 10-year-old version of you, met the
person you've become today, but without knowing it's his future self?"
“does he will feel safe or what he will feel?” My ex-partner had once asked.
Such a simple question, yet it pierced through the layers of my con- sciousness, sparking a whirlwind of emotions and memories. The ideal response, one might think, would be "yes, of course, he would feel safe." But it's never that easy.
As I closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift back in time, I found myself standing in my own shoes, the shoes of a 10-year-old boy who hadn't yet unraveled the complexities of his own identity. I could vividly recall where he lived, what he knew, and most impor- tantly, what he felt and feared.
From his eyes, I gazed upon the person I had become, the person he could never have fathomed. It wasn't the tattoos adorning my body or the two earrings swaying gently from my left ear that would have
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startled him. It wasn't even the sunglasses casually perched on my forehead or the multitude of rings decorating my fingers. It was something deeper, something more profound.
I knew he would be afraid, not because of my outward appearance, but because of the vast chasm that separated our beliefs, our reali- ties. The world I navigated with confidence and pride was alien and unfamiliar to him. It was light-years away from the world he knew.
His fear would stem from the radical acceptance and celebration of my own identity, a concept he could not grasp at his tender age. He would be perplexed by the colorful pride flags adorning my space, the confident way I held hands with my partner, the unabashed dis- cussions about love and relationships among my friends. All of these were realms he had yet to explore, territories he had yet to conquer.
Though we might share similarities, like our black-painted nails, the differences would be glaring. He would hide his nail color, position- ing his fingers so that no one could see. But I would proudly display mine, my way of saying, "This is who I am, unapologetically."
For my younger self, my queer identity would be a puzzle too com- plex to solve, a future too distant to imagine. But perhaps, deep down, he would sense a glimmer of hope—a flicker of the possibili- ty that one day, he too could break free from his cocoon of fear and step into the vibrant, authentic world that awaited him. queer
this artwork is exhibited in UN office in Geneva during #ImagineEquality call for artists 2023, on 10th-20th October 2023.
In Pairs | Redefining Connections in a Diverse World
Imagine a world where love triumphs over violence, and the sight of two men holding hands warms our hearts more than any weapon ever could.
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In Pairs | Redefining Connections in a Diverse World
Imagine a world where love triumphs over violence, and the sight of two men holding hands warms our hearts more than any weapon ever could.
In our society, being queer often means wrestling with conflicting beliefs and inner battles. I've had my fair share of those struggles, but when I look back on my spiritual journey and sexual orientation, they've always been separate aspects of my identity—sometimes intertwining, sometimes standing alone. At least, that's how I see it.
During a lighthearted chat about our queer identities, a friend shared a fascinating insight: "Think about the concept of 'pairs.' It doesn't have to be limited to the conventional. Adam and Wawan, Eve and Fatimah—they can be pairs too, in their own way."
Let our minds soar with the possibilities, delving into a world where diversity is not only embraced but celebrated. Together, let us #ImagineEquality and kindle the flames of acceptance, fostering a society that cherishes the beauty of love in all its forms.
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To My Dearest 10-Year-Old Self,
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My Dearest 10-Year-Old Self,
I hope this letter finds you in a moment of peace and curiosity, for there is much I want to share with you. As I sit down to write this, tears well up in my eyes, a testament to the emotions that connect us across time.
First and foremost, please know that you are deeply loved, just as you are. I can feel the weight of your worries, your sense of being different. But let me assure you, that very difference is a radiant and unique facet of who you are. It will shape your life in remarkable ways.
Right now, you reside in Bali, a place of stunning beauty and rich cul- ture. It's a gift beyond measure. Cherish each day, breathe in the colors, the melodies, and the stories that surround you. These mo- ments will become the palette for your art, a canvas onto which you'll pour your soul.
Speaking of art, your passion for creating will lead you on an incredible journey. Your digital artwork, the very essence of your imagina- tion, will be chosen and displayed in Geneva by the United Nations. It's an honor beyond your wildest dreams, a testament to the power of your creativity and your unique perspective as a queer artist.
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Life won't always be smooth sailing, though. You'll encounter mo- ments of doubt, hardship, and uncertainty. There will be times when you question your path, your choices. Please, remember this: it's per- fectly okay to doubt, to stumble, to be afraid. These are not signs of weakness but stepping stones to your growth, to the strength you'll discover within.
As you grow older, you'll embrace your queerness with a deep sense of pride and confidence. You'll find a community that accepts and celebrates you for exactly who you are. Your journey to self-acceptance will be a profound one, marked by challenges, but it will be worth it. You'll come to understand that love takes countless forms, and you, my dear, are deserving of every single one.
I want to introduce you to some incredible souls who will become a cherished part of your journey. Anggun, a compassionate Pisces, will be your anchor and guide, helping you navigate every twist and turn. Inun, a steadfast presence, will offer unwavering support, and Galuh will become one of the voices you call home.
In Bali, you'll meet Sasa, who will be a lot of help in your adjustment to this beautiful place, marking your identity with a meaningful tattoo. And never forget Ayu, a friend who will stand by your side, never leaving your side, a constant source of strength.
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Embrace these friendships, my dear. They will be the pillars of support during your journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. Together, you'll form a sense of "bernaung," a refuge that will offer comfort and understanding when you need it most.
One piece of advice that I wish I had known when I was your age is this: "Queer people don’t grow up as ourselves. We grew up playing a version of ourselves that sacrifices authenticity to minimize humili- ation and prejudice. The massive task of our adult lives is to unpick which parts of ourselves are truly ours and which parts were created to protect us."
It's a journey you'll still be on when you're older, trying to understand the different layers of yourself and how they've been shaped by the world around you. But always remember that authenticity is a beautiful and powerful thing. Embrace your true self, my dear 10-year-old self, and never be afraid to unpick the layers to discover the real you.
With tears of love and a soothing embrace, Your Older Self
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The Knight of Swords: A Journey to Self-Discovery
Coming into your identity as a queer person is a profound and empowering journey. As you stand on the threshold of self-discovery, I want to share some heartfelt advice, much like the Knight of Swords charging forward with determination. This letter is for you, my 10-year-old self, to remind you of the strength, resilience, and pride that will carry you through life.
Embrace Your Authenticity:
Dear younger self, it's essential to know that you are perfect just the way you are. Your sexual orientation is a beautiful facet of your identity, and it does not define your worth as a person. Embrace your authenticity with pride; it's the key to living a fulfilled life.Educate and Advocate:
Knowledge is power, my dear self. Educate yourself about LGBTQ+ history and issues. Being well-informed will em power you to navigate the world with confidence. Use your knowledge to advocate for equality and support those who need it within our community.Surround Yourself with Supportive
People: Seek out friends, family members, and mentors who accept and celebrate your true self. These people will become your pillars of strength, offering unwavering support throughout your journey.Self-Care Is Vital:
Remember, self-compassion and self-care are non-negotia ble. Take care of your physical and mental health, and don't hesitate to seek professional help or join support groups if needed. Your well-being is paramount.Challenge Stereotypes:
As you grow, you'll encounter stereotypes and prejudices. Just like the Knight of Swords, stand up against them. Be a voice for positive change, and show the world that love is love, regardless of gender.Love Without Fear:
Love is a beautiful and essential part of life. Don't be afraid to love openly and authentically. Love knows no gender, and you deserve happiness and love just as much as anyone else.Set Goals and Pursue Dreams:
Dream big, my dear self. Set ambitious goals and work towards them with unwavering determination. Your sexual orientation should never limit your aspirations. You can achieve anything you set your mind to.Stay True to Your Values:
Develop a strong moral compass and stay true to your values. Your integrity will be your guiding light through life's challenges, helping you make the right decisions and shape your path with purpose.It Gets Better:
Life may seem challenging now, but trust me, it gets better. As you grow and become more comfortable with your iden tity, life will become more fulfilling and rewarding. These challenges will lead to personal growth and a stronger sense of self.You Are Loved:
Always remember that you are loved and worthy of love. Love and acceptance start within yourself. Once you truly love and accept who you are, others will too. Your journey is a testament to the strength of the human spirit.
nggun, nun, terimakasih!
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Write your love letter to your inner child here
part 2 queer
part 2 queer
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